A Very Merry Chippendales Birthday

So it’s mid-February, I’m home sick, and I’m watching trashy reality shows on Netflix while planning my kid’s first birthday (because I can “stay in bed and rest” and STILL multitask, mothafucker!).

Halfway through the first season of “Yummy Mummies,” I discover two crucially important things:

1) We must have a first birthday cake smash. You can’t have a kid and not have a cake smash. It would be a crime against humanity. And Pinterest. And we don’t want that now, do we?

2) If you have a girl, she must wear tutu. Because ballerinas spend all of their spare time chowing down on cakes… they’re, like, known for it. (Not.) But if you have a boy, it’s a different story. Boys, you see, must be dressed as wee Chippendales:

I’m not sure what’s more absurd about this photo. The god-awful shade of kelly green (which, as you can see in the description, is perfectly suited for both Christmas and St. Patrick’s Day) or the fact that the baby is dressed as an exotic dancer, complete with a bare chest, a bow tie, and the requisite pair of suspenders.

I think we’ll pass.